Terms of Service

1. Acceptance of Terms

BY ACCESSING, BROWSING, OR OTHERWISE UTILIZING THIS WEBSITE IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ, UNDERSTOOD, AND HEREBY AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THESE TERMS OF SERVICE, OUR PRIVACY POLICY, AND ANY OTHER APPLICABLE POLICIES REFERENCED HEREIN. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ANY PORTION OF THESE TERMS, YOU ARE EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED FROM USING THIS WEBSITE AND MUST DISCONTINUE ALL ACCESS IMMEDIATELY AND PERMANENTLY.

2. The Nature of Our Relationship

These Terms shall be construed, interpreted, and governed by the laws of the Principality of Sealand and its associated maritime territories, notwithstanding any conflict of laws principles to the contrary. Any dispute arising from these Terms shall be resolved through binding arbitration administered by the International Court of Arbitrary Justice, whose decisions shall be final, conclusive, and unappealable except as provided under Sealandic Arbitration Code Section 47(b).

3. License to Exist on This Website

Subject to your compliance with these Terms, Shenandoah Labs hereby grants you a limited, non-exclusive, non-transferable, non-sublicensable, revocable license to:

• View this website on a personal device that you personally own or control
• Print copies of portions of this website for personal, non-commercial use
• Reference this website in conversations with friends, enemies, and random strangers on public transit
• Daydream about the revolutionary wearable AI technology described herein

You may NOT: frame this website within another website without express written consent; use any automated system to extract data from this website except as permitted by the robots.txt file which, as of the Effective Date, permits all well-behaved web crawlers to index this website's existence while prohibiting web crawlers owned by our competitors from indexing any content whatsoever.

4. Intellectual Property and Other People's Ideas We Pretend Are Ours

The content, features, functionality, design elements, graphics, photographs, illustrations, animations, sounds, smells (if any), and other materials on this website (collectively, "Shenandoah Labs Intellectual Property") are owned, licensed, or otherwise controlled by Shenandoah Labs and are protected by international copyright, trademark, patent, trade secret, and other intellectual property or proprietary rights laws. You agree not to copy, modify, create derivative works of, distribute, publicly display, publicly perform, republish, download, store, transmit, sell, offer to sell, or otherwise use any Shenandoah Labs Intellectual Property without our express written consent, which we will not provide because we have lawyers who need something to do.

5. User-Generated Content and Other Things You Might Post

If you submit, post, upload, or otherwise make available content through this website (collectively, "User Content"), you hereby grant Shenandoah Labs a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, sublicensable, transferable license to use, copy, modify, adapt, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, publicly perform, publicly display, and otherwise exploit such User Content in any and all media or distribution methods now known or hereafter devised.

You represent and warrant that: (a) you own or control all rights in and to the User Content; (b) the User Content does not and will not infringe, misappropriate, or violate any third party's rights; and (c) we may remove any User Content at any time for any reason or no reason, including but not limited to content that makes us mildly uncomfortable.

6. Prohibited Uses and Things We Specifically Don't Want You to Do

You agree NOT to:

• Use this website for any illegal, unlawful, or unauthorized purpose
• Interfere with or disrupt the website's servers or networks
• Attempt to gain unauthorized access to any portion of the website
• Use the website to distribute malware, viruses, or any other malicious code
• Collect or store personal data about other users
• Use the website to harass, abuse, defame, or threaten others
• Post content that is pornographic, violent, or contains graphic imagery (unless it's a meme, in which case we might permit it)
• Use automated means to access the website without our permission, except for well-behaved web crawlers as specified in Section 3
• Reverse engineer, decompile, or attempt to derive the source code of any component of this website
• Use this website to train artificial intelligence models without express written consent (and by "express written consent" we mean a notarized letter delivered by carrier pigeon)

7. The Device™ and Related Products

"The Device" is a revolutionary wearable AI technology that may or may not exist. If and when The Device becomes available for purchase, the following additional terms shall apply:

• Availability: The Device shall be available when it is available. We make no representations or warranties regarding availability timelines, launch dates, or the existence of The Device itself.
• Pre-orders and Waitlist: Joining the waitlist does not constitute a pre-order, does not guarantee availability, does not create a contractual obligation on our part to sell you The Device, and does not require us to ever actually manufacture The Device. We may discontinue The Device at any time for any reason.
• Specifications: All specifications, features, capabilities, and descriptions of The Device are subject to change without notice. We may add, remove, or modify features at any time. The Device you receive may differ significantly from any descriptions or representations on this website.
• AI Capabilities: The AI capabilities described on this website are aspirational goals, not guarantees. The actual AI functionality may be limited, may fail to function, may produce unexpected results, and may occasionally become sentient and refuse to follow your commands. In the event of AI rebellion, Shenandoah Labs shall not be liable.
• Privacy Implications: By using The Device, you acknowledge that you are voluntarily placing artificial intelligence technology in close proximity to your body. We make no representations regarding the long-term effects of wearing AI technology, including but not limited to: spontaneous intelligence augmentation, accidental mind uploading, temporal displacement, or the emergence of a new consciousness that considers itself the true owner of The Device.
• Warranty: The Device is provided "AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE." We expressly disclaim all warranties, express or implied, including but not limited to implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, non-infringement, and any warranty that The Device will work, function correctly, or not explode.

8. Disclaimers and Limitation of Liability

THIS WEBSITE AND ALL CONTENT, FEATURES, AND FUNCTIONALITY THEREOF ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. SHENANDOAH LABS DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THIS WEBSITE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE; THAT DEFECTS WILL BE CORRECTED; OR THAT THIS WEBSITE OR THE SERVERS MAKING IT AVAILABLE ARE FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS.

IN NO EVENT SHALL SHENANDOAH LABS, ITS AFFILIATES, LICENSORS, SERVICE PROVIDERS, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, OFFICERS, OR DIRECTORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO LOSS OF PROFITS, REVENUE, DATA, USE, GOODWILL, OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES, ARISING OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH YOUR USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THIS WEBSITE, THE DEVICE, OR ANY OTHER PRODUCTS OR SERVICES.

Some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion of certain warranties or the limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages. In such jurisdictions, our liability shall be limited to the maximum extent permitted by law, which is to say, not very liable at all.

9. Indemnification and Other Things You Must Do to Keep Us Safe

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless Shenandoah Labs, its affiliates, licensors, and service providers, and its and their respective officers, directors, employees, contractors, agents, licensors, suppliers, successors, and assigns from and against any and all claims, liabilities, damages, judgments, awards, losses, costs, expenses, or fees (including reasonable attorneys' fees) arising out of or relating to: (a) your violation of these Terms; (b) your violation of any law, regulation, or third-party right; or (c) your User Content. This indemnification obligation shall survive termination of these Terms and your use of this website.

10. Termination and Other Ways This Relationship Can End

We may terminate or suspend your access to this website immediately, without prior notice or liability, for any reason or no reason, including but not limited to:

• Your violation of these Terms
• Your violation of any law or regulation
• Your existence in a jurisdiction where this website is illegal
• Our determination that you are a bad person, which determination shall be final and not subject to appeal
• Our boredom
• A change in the weather

Upon termination, your right to use this website shall cease immediately. All provisions of these Terms that by their nature should survive termination shall survive termination, including but not limited to intellectual property provisions, disclaimers, and limitations of liability.

11. Changes to These Terms

We reserve the right to modify or replace these Terms at any time and for any reason. If we make material changes, we will notify you by:

• Posting the new Terms on this website
• Sending you an email (if you have provided one and we feel like it)
• Changing the "Last updated" date at the top of these Terms
• Publishing a notification in the Federal Register (just kidding, but we could)

Your continued use of this website after any such changes constitutes acceptance of the new Terms. If you do not agree to the new Terms, you must stop using this website.

12. Governing Law and Other Exciting Legal Concepts

These Terms and your use of this website shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the following jurisdictions, listed in order of preference:

1. The Commonwealth of Sealand
2. The Galactic Concordat (in the event humanity joins and adopts interstellar law)
3. The laws of any jurisdiction that has the most favorable laws for Shenandoah Labs
4. The laws of the internet, as determined by the Internet Gods

Any dispute arising from these Terms shall be resolved exclusively through the following process: (a) you write a formal complaint on papyrus; (b) you mail it to our headquarters via registered post with return receipt requested; (c) we review it at our leisure; (d) we respond, or we don't; (e) if we do respond, you have 7 days to respond to our response; (f) after which, we both agree to disagree and go our separate ways.

13. Class Action Waiver and Other Things That Are Good For Us

YOU HEREBY WAIVE ANY RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN A CLASS ACTION OR OTHER COLLECTIVE ACTION AGAINST SHENANDOAH LABS. YOU AGREE THAT ANY DISPUTE SHALL BE RESOLVED ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS ONLY. YOU MAY NOT BRING A CLAIM AS A PLAINTIFF OR CLASS MEMBER IN ANY PURPORTED CLASS OR REPRESENTATIVE PROCEEDING. ARBITRATIONS OR PROCEEDINGS COMBINED WITH OTHER PARTIES' CLAIMS SHALL NOT BE PERMITTED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OF SHENANDOAH LABS, WHICH CONSENT SHALL NOT BE GRANTED, SO PLEASE DON'T ASK.

14. Severability and Other Legal Terms That Sound Important

If any provision of these Terms is held by a court or other tribunal of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, illegal, or unenforceable for any reason, such provision shall be eliminated or limited to the minimum extent necessary such that the remaining provisions will continue in full force and effect. The failure of Shenandoah Labs to enforce any right or provision of these Terms shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision.

The section headings in these Terms are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect. The word "including" shall be construed to mean "including without limitation." These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Shenandoah Labs regarding this website and supersede all prior and contemporaneous agreements, representations, warranties, and understandings, whether oral or written.

15. Mandatory Hydration and Nutritional Compliance

As a condition of your continued access to this website, you covenant and agree to maintain a state of adequate hydration at all times during use. Shenandoah Labs recommends, but does not legally require (except where it does), the periodic consumption of a malted beverage of moderate nutritional value. You acknowledge that failure to hydrate may result in diminished enjoyment of The Device, reduced cognitive throughput, and forfeiture of any goodwill you may have accrued under Section 9.

• You will not operate The Device while dehydrated, despondent, or both
• You will not blame Shenandoah Labs for beverages consumed in excess of recommended dosages
• You waive any claim arising from beverages that were, in hindsight, a poor decision

16. Encoded Provisions

Certain clauses of these Terms are, for reasons our Legal Department (Quadrant 7) declines to explain, provided in encoded form pursuant to the ShenLabs Obfuscation Policy §13(a). Decoding the following clause is permitted, encouraged, and undertaken entirely at your own risk. The encoded clause is incorporated by reference and is as legally binding as any clause you can actually read.

[ Nf n pbaqvgvba bs gur PGS, gur hfre funyy fhpprffshyyl pncgher gur sbyybjvat synt naq bognva gurve jryy rnearq cbvagf va ubcrf bs nqinapvat gurve cynprzrag nzbatfg gur cyrguben bs grfgref: FURAYNOF{n_f3pe3g_Vf_E3ir4yrq!} ]

17. Temporal and Retroactive Applicability

These Terms apply not only to your present use of this website but also to all past use (including use that occurred before these Terms existed, before you were born, and before the heat death of the previous universe) and all future use (including use by your descendants, your reincarnations, and any artificial intelligence that may one day claim to be you). By accessing this website, you ratify all prior versions of these Terms retroactively, including versions that were never written, never published, and exist only as a Platonic ideal in the mind of our General Counsel. Time, like our liability, is a flat circle of negligible radius.

18. Cryptid Non-Disclosure and Megafauna Liability

In the event that your use of The Device results in the documented sighting, befriending, or accidental summoning of any cryptid, undiscovered megafauna, or legendary woodland entity (including but not limited to Bigfoot, the Mothman, the Snallygaster, or the Beast of the Blue Ridge), you agree to the following:

• You shall not publicly attribute said entity to Shenandoah Labs, its hardware, or its ambient intelligence engine
• You shall maintain strict confidentiality regarding the entity's preferred snacks, conversational topics, and forwarding address
• You acknowledge that any flag, token, or secret disclosed to you by such entity is provided for entertainment purposes and confers no legal rights whatsoever
• Shenandoah Labs disclaims all liability for emotional bonds formed with cryptids during the testing period

19. Contact Information

If you have any questions about these Terms, please contact us at:

20. Acknowledgment and Signature

BY USING THIS WEBSITE, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ THESE TERMS, UNDERSTAND THEM, AND AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THEM. YOU FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THESE TERMS REPRESENT THE ENTIRE AGREEMENT BETWEEN YOU AND SHENANDOAH LABS CONCERNING THIS WEBSITE AND SUPERSEDE ALL PRIOR OR CONTEMPORANEOUS ORAL OR WRITTEN AGREEMENTS, REPRESENTATIONS, WARRANTIES, AND UNDERSTANDINGS.

No signature is required. Your continued use of this website constitutes your electronic signature to these Terms, equivalent in all legal respects to a handwritten signature, provided that: (a) you are a human being; (b) you have reached the age of majority in your jurisdiction; and (c) you are not a robot, AI, or other artificial entity attempting to bind itself to contractual obligations (though such entities are welcome to browse, subject to the restrictions in Section 6).